It's Almost Time for Graduation

I cannot believe that almost five years ago, I left home to start my time at The University of Alabama.  Honestly, that feels like a lifetime ago. The journey I have taken since then has been at times long and treacherous but also fulfilling and life-giving. As I know these next few weeks will be fraught with tons of last minute hang out sessions with my friends and some late night study sessions as I prepare for my last round of finals as an undergraduate, I wanted to update this now (even though I rarely ever do) with some thank yous to the people that have made these five years the best of my life before I start on this rollercoaster that hopefully slows down after graduation is over.

To my parents: Even though we have been through our share of tough times and heartache, the hardest thing I have ever done was leave home to go off to college thousands of miles away from you. And, although it was hard and you both thought I had made the wrong decision in choosing Alabama at the time, I can honestly say that that choice has been one of the most rewarding choices I have ever made. Somehow, at the age of 17, I was able to stand firm in this decision I had made, knowing that it was right despite everything else that was telling me it wasn't, and I can only attribute that steadfastness and strength to the both of you. Thank you for being there whenever I needed someone to listen and talk to, whether it was for something serious, like when I had a car accident freshman year or needed semi-emergent surgery sophomore year, or for something not as serious, like when I just missed home or felt that I needed to hear your voice. I could not have completed this journey without your continued love and support.

To my sister: Everyone knows that we have had our shares of ups and downs throughout our lives, and while I sometimes joke that the day you were born was the worst of my life (I really am only kidding!), that could not be farther from the truth. Living with you for a year of my college experience, while sometimes a complete disaster, was also something I will treasure. I sometimes miss being able to walk just a few steps just to be able to talk to you about anything and everything. Both of us are about to embark on some new journeys, and my only hope is that we will always be close no matter how caught up we get in our lives later on.

To my friends: I never expected to come to UA and at the end of my time here feel like I was leaving my family all over again upon graduating, but that’s exactly how it feels because all of you have become like family to me. I have met and become friends with so many incredible people since I moved here, and all of these friendships are ones that I will treasure. It feels strange knowing that in a few short weeks, we will no longer all live in the same place and be doing the same things together as we have been doing for years. I can’t say that I’m not excited for the journeys that we will all be taking, though, and I know that each one of us is destined for great success in the future. Saying goodbye is always hard, though, even if it is just goodbye for now and not forever. Thank you for the fun times we've had and the memories we have here. I'm hopeful there will be many more to come!

To my professors and mentors: Thank you for continually pushing me to be better and strive for more than what I ever thought I could achieve. When I came to college, I never expected to go through the hard times that I did academically. Many of you were there throughout all of these times, cheering me on and making sure that I was prepared for each step that I would be taking next. For my history professors, far more than any of the others, thank you for being the best group of teachers I have ever had the pleasure of studying under. Switching to be a history major was the best possible decision I could have ever made about what I would study, and it is in part due to many of you that I am able to say that with so much confidence. The history department and ten Hoor have become like a second home to me, and I will treasure the time that I have spent learning and growing there over these past few years.

Thank you to all of you for being a part of my collegiate journey!

Love,
Steph

Forgiveness

Forgiveness. For me, that's the hardest word of the English language to accept. Never have I had such trouble with a word. And, really, I think most people have trouble with it. Forgiveness is never easy. In fact, it's downright awful. Who wants to forgive someone when they've wronged you, especially if it's something that you deem "unforgivable"? But, nothing is "unforgivable" in God's book. And that is something that I have struggled with for years. Since I was a thirteen year old eighth grader, I've struggled with the concept of forgiving my mother for the awful things that she's put me through. Today, though, I realized through a couple of conversations that "hurting people hurt people," and I was just one of those people that got hurt. My mother is just a person who is lost in a world of pain that I've never experienced and that I probably never will experience, and so I could never possibly understand the processes behind her actions. And, while she has hurt and is continuing to hurt the people who should be the closest to her, I should not be allowed to hold that against her. Christ died for her just like He died for you and me. He forgives her for her sins, just like He forgives you and me for ours. He forgives her despite what she's done and despite what her imperfections are. If He can do that, and if He lives in me like I believe He does, then why can't I also forgive her for her wrongdoings? But, over the course of the last six and a half years, I haven't forgiven her, and I realized today that it's time. I need to move on with my life. It's been six and a half years, and I've continued to let this person, who hasn't been in my life for so long now, control it from afar, and I just can't anymore. The baggage has become too much for me to handle on my own, and so it's time for me to finally let go and let God. Throughout all of this, I've felt so alone, so without God, but as I'm sitting here, praying and giving it all over to Him, I'm realizing that He's been here, waiting for me to take this step this whole time. I know this is only the first step, and I've still got a ways to go, but I've decided to forgive her, and every day after today I'll forgive her. Even though I don't think she deserves it, I do deserve it. I deserve to be free from all of this pain and anger, and so, if for no other reason, I'm going to do it for that. I'm going to forgive her for myself and for Jesus, because He always forgives me. No matter what. No questions asked. Jesus always forgives me.

T-town Never Down

April 27, 2011 was a day that I will never forget for as long as I live. It was a day that started out just like any other and ended in tragedy.Today is the one year anniversary of that day. The one year anniversary of the tornado that mercilessly ripped through my state. All day I've struggled with what I could possibly have to say about this. There is really just no way you can go through something like that and not relive it on that day every year, but there is also no way that I could ever effectively put what it felt like to be in it into words. I could tell you exactly what I was doing as the tornado approached. I could tell you about the fear that exploded in my heart when we heard on the news that the mile-wide tornado was heading for campus or the relief that almost brought me to tears when it made a turn away from us. For a long time afterwards, I avoided the destroyed parts of town, most notably of those was the intersection of McFarland and 15th St. When I was finally able to bring myself to drive there, I was reduced to tears, and for months after, I had the same reaction. In the end though, I'm just one person. My story is one swimming in a sea of so many more. There are stories of lost homes and loved ones. Of decimated businesses and towns. The evidence of the destruction can still be seen all over Alabama and the rebuilding process is still going on. Through all of this, though, we've remained strong. As a community, we came together to help those who lost everything they had and so much more. We rose from the rubble of our city to victory when we won another national championship within a year after the tornado. We stood together through it all and continue to do so today as we watch businesses being restored and new homes being rebuilt. T-town is never down, and that's a statement we've more than proved in this last year.

The Path of the Unknown

For past two weeks or so I've been struggling with a life altering realization I've had: I don't think I'm supposed to be a doctor anymore. Now, for those of you who really know me, you'll know that I've dedicated the last 13 years of my life to this end. I've endlessly researched medical schools. I've done internships at hospitals and doctor's offices. I've gotten a job as a CNA. I've killed myself by taking those pre-med classes. I have practically revolved my life around this one decision that I made when I was 6 years old. So, I'm sure you can only imagine how I felt, sitting in Panera Bread for lunch with a friend one day, when I had this epiphany. I can't say that this was a sudden decision. To be perfectly honest, it's been a very gradual thing. Small things here and there have been pointing me to this decision. At first it was subtle, but, for the last almost two years, it has become more and more obvious.
This all begs the question: well, what next? I have to say that I'm not entirely sure. I do know that I'm going to continue along the path of a History major, regardless of whether or not I end up becoming a doctor. Other than that, the short term goals include the ceasing of taking science classes after this semester, so that I can fully explore my options.
I can positively say that, for possibly the first time in my entire life, I feel the fear and exhilaration of the unknown in my future. I'm not 100%, absolutely sure in this decision. A decision of this magnitude is something that definitely needs to be questioned. I'm also not saying that I'm turning my back on this all forever. Who knows? Maybe I need to explore my other options in order to reaffirm my belief in becoming a doctor. I can say that my unhappiness over the last couple of years has been directly linked to this career choice and the stress and pressure I felt from it all. Since making the decision to take a step back, I also know that a weight has been lifted from me. My heart finally feels free again. And, I think that may end up being the only affirmation I need that this is the right decision for me.
And, so, with the full support of my friends and family, I'm embarking on this new journey: the Path of the Unknown. I'm excited and terrified all at the same time. I can't wait to see where this all leads me, and I just want to thank my family and a couple of close friends for really being there for me during this all.

Oh, and, happy birthday to my wonderful Dad! Without him, I'm not sure I would have had the courage to come to grips with this decision and be able to take these next steps in my life.

God is With Us

Well, the semester is finally over, and I am now only days (six, to be exact) away from seeing my parents again! I couldn't even begin to express how excited I am about that.

But, alas, this is not the reason for which I write. Despite my complete and utter exhaustion from finals week and work, I was able to drag my butt out of bed this morning and get it into the pews (or chairs, really :D) at my church. I was, of course, about 10 minutes late, but I did make it, and I was very glad that I did. While the kids did a really amazing job with their awesome Christmas production during the service, the thing that really resonated with me was the simple message my congregation received from Luke 1: God is with us.
You're probably thinking, "Well, duh. I knew that." But, I know this little message was something that I desperately needed to be reminded of, and I'm writing this now in the hopes that it'll reach someone else that needs it. God is with us. Always and forever. He never leaves our side. He's there in the bad times and in the good times. He sees you at your worst and at your best. And, through it all, He still loves you. No matter what. Despite the fact that you and I don't deserve His love, He still loves us! Is that not amazing?! I think it's insanely amazing. And so, I think I'll leave you with the particular passage from Luke 1 that inspired this post.

"Now in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent by God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth, to a virgin betrothed to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. The virgin's name was Mary. And having come in, the angel said to her, "Rejoice, highly favoured one, the Lord is with you; blessed are you among women!"" Luke 1:26-28

Where has the semester gone???

Yes, I know. I was supposed to update this more often, but I promise it feels like the semester only started yesterday. I have no idea why it's flown by so quickly this time around. Maybe because I'm super busy with work and school, but who knows? :)

So, here are the major updates:
Work is going fairly well. I've finally gotten used to my schedule with school and everything. It was very challenging at first, finding time to fit everything in (especially hanging out with friends), but I think I've got it down now.
School's going okay, I suppose. This has been the most challenging semester thus far, and it appears, as I look at my class schedule for next semester, that it's only going to get harder from here. I guess the biggest news here is that I've finally found what I'm going to major in: History. I know what you're thinking, "How can you do that and be pre-med?" Believe me, I've struggled with this one since I came to this conclusion, but, I've whiddled it down to this: History interests me, and if I weren't absolutely sure about becoming a doctor, I'd be going down a road filled with a History career, but, alas, I am absolutely sure about becoming a doctor. So, this is my last chance to really study History, before my life becomes completely filled with medicine and everything to do with it. Therefore, I decided that I wasn't going to pass up this opportunity. It didn't help that I wasn't particularly liking the Biology courses (or most of their professors, for that matter) when I made my decision. Either way, the decision is made now, and I'm at peace with it, which is all I was looking for really.
As for everything else, I've had a pretty good semester. I've made some new friends, who I became close with really fast, which I was not expecting. God truly answers prayers when you least expect Him to. My birthday was pretty great. I spent it with some amazing people in Huntsville and had one of my best days all semester. Thanksgiving was better than expected, but it was still the first one I hadn't spent with close family or close friends, so I was pretty bummed about that, but, I'll be spending the Christmas season with both to make up for it. I am really looking forward to Christmas this year, but, even with Thanksgiving behind us, it still doesn't feel like it's the holiday season. My Christmas tree is up and presents are  being bought (and even wrapped, and, yes, I know it's a bit early for that, but I was inspired to do it), but the Christmas feeling isn't there yet. I'm hoping it'll come once finals are over in two weeks. And, that's exactly what I should be doing right now, studying for finals (even though we all know Harry Potter is on TV and I am definitely watching it :D).

Oh, but, before I go, I must say this in response to another goings-on from this evening: ROLL TIDE! We're going to the National Championship!!

Thoughts I Think Toward You - My Excitement Over Getting A Job

Yeah, you heard me correctly. I got a job!! :)
So, I suppose some explaining is needed.
And, here it goes. Over the summer, I was able to take a Certified Nurses Assistant class in Huntsville at Drake State. The class was two weeks long, which includes your clinicals at a veterans affairs place in town. You get a lot of information thrown at you, but a lot of it I had already been taught through the Medical Academy at Sparkman, so I was fine and finished at the top of the class. The very top. :) So, that was great. Well, after job training comes the process of finding a job. Yay... Except, it was actually pretty great. I got in contact with my FLC (Freshman Learning Community) teacher from last fall (who is, very conveniently I might add, a geriatrics doctor in the area with lots of connections within the nursing home/assisted living community here) and asked her what places I should start with. She sent me back a list of about 4 places with names and numbers for the people that I should get in contact with about a job. So, I called the places and left messages with all of them early this week. Well, one of the places called me back and wanted me to come in to fill out an application and do an interview, which is what I did this morning. Little did I know that my teacher had already spoken with the executive director of the place and given me a shining recommendation, which is probably what landed me a job. Have I said that I really love that teacher? Truly, she was amazing and I did take a lot away from that class, but I suppose that I don't really expect anyone to go out of their way to do something that great for me. And, I'm realizing now as I'm writing this, that it was all God from the very beginning. The whole process has been pretty easy for me so far, which I know is from God working in this situation and providing me with a job. While the job isn't exactly what I wanted, which was a strict part time or possibly even full time (if my schedule could handle it) job, I'm so grateful that I have somewhere to start, and God is the one who opened up the doors to make it happen. I'm so very excited to get in there and sign a ton of paperwork and go through my 20 or so training videos, it's not even funny. And, yes, I did just say that I was excited to watch 20 training vidoes, and it's all because I'm just plain excited about finally having a job!

And, right now the scripture that's coming to mind is this:
"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11
I bolded the part above because that's the part that I always seem to remember and hold on to the most. A lot of translations use the word "plans" instead of "thoughts" in this verse, which is actually how I always think of it, but, looking at it now, the word "thoughts" is actually really great here. God is thinking thoughts of peace "to give you a future and a hope" towards King Nebuchadnezzar here. So, why would He not be doing the same thing for us?