The Path of the Unknown

For past two weeks or so I've been struggling with a life altering realization I've had: I don't think I'm supposed to be a doctor anymore. Now, for those of you who really know me, you'll know that I've dedicated the last 13 years of my life to this end. I've endlessly researched medical schools. I've done internships at hospitals and doctor's offices. I've gotten a job as a CNA. I've killed myself by taking those pre-med classes. I have practically revolved my life around this one decision that I made when I was 6 years old. So, I'm sure you can only imagine how I felt, sitting in Panera Bread for lunch with a friend one day, when I had this epiphany. I can't say that this was a sudden decision. To be perfectly honest, it's been a very gradual thing. Small things here and there have been pointing me to this decision. At first it was subtle, but, for the last almost two years, it has become more and more obvious.
This all begs the question: well, what next? I have to say that I'm not entirely sure. I do know that I'm going to continue along the path of a History major, regardless of whether or not I end up becoming a doctor. Other than that, the short term goals include the ceasing of taking science classes after this semester, so that I can fully explore my options.
I can positively say that, for possibly the first time in my entire life, I feel the fear and exhilaration of the unknown in my future. I'm not 100%, absolutely sure in this decision. A decision of this magnitude is something that definitely needs to be questioned. I'm also not saying that I'm turning my back on this all forever. Who knows? Maybe I need to explore my other options in order to reaffirm my belief in becoming a doctor. I can say that my unhappiness over the last couple of years has been directly linked to this career choice and the stress and pressure I felt from it all. Since making the decision to take a step back, I also know that a weight has been lifted from me. My heart finally feels free again. And, I think that may end up being the only affirmation I need that this is the right decision for me.
And, so, with the full support of my friends and family, I'm embarking on this new journey: the Path of the Unknown. I'm excited and terrified all at the same time. I can't wait to see where this all leads me, and I just want to thank my family and a couple of close friends for really being there for me during this all.

Oh, and, happy birthday to my wonderful Dad! Without him, I'm not sure I would have had the courage to come to grips with this decision and be able to take these next steps in my life.